All to make you love me
by Brave-little-duck
Summary: He was absolutely heart broken. And thought there was something wrong with him. He would do anything to make her love him again.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I know I know! I changed my pen name again... and disappeared off the face of fanfiction AGAIN! BUT! I'm back and I have a new story! Which your reading right now!... Obviously. I really hope that you guys like it! So here is the first chapter of 'All to make you love me' OH and this is all in Logan's POV!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything!**

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"**Nobody said it was easy  
It's such a shame for us to part  
Nobody said it was easy  
No one ever said it would be this hard  
Oh, take me back to the start." 'The Scientist'- Coldplay **

I looked at my watch for what seemed to be the fifth time in two minutes. I've never been so nervous in my life. Today was the day. The day that I would finally tell Camille that I love her. Sure it was risky, but we've been off again and on again for the better part of a year. So I figured now was as good a time as ever to tell her how I feel. I couldn't wait to see the look on her face when I tell her. I was waiting in the lobby of the palm woods when I spotted her walking through the front doors.

"Hey, Camille." I said.

"Oh… Logan. Hi." She said surprised to see me.

"So look, there's something I've been meaning to tell you."

"I have something to tell you too." She said with a slight frown as she sat down near me.

"Well what is it?"

"I think we should see other people." She said to me quietly. "I swear you didn't do anything wrong! Were just so different, you know? And I think it would be for the best if we break up."

"What?" I asked.

"I'm sorry. I should go." Camille said as she stood and walked away from me.

I sat there in the lobby, mouth open and a blank expression on my face.

'She broke up with me… again.' I thought to myself.

It was true; Camille and I had broken up before, a lot of times before. But I had hoped that wouldn't happen this time around. Apparently I was wrong. I stood up and made my way out of the lobby and towards the pool. I spotted James and immediately sat down next to him.

"Hey Loges." James said upon seeing me.

"Hey." I muttered putting my head in my hands, resting his elbows on my knees.

I was beyond confused at this point. What could I have done to make Camille dump me… again? I tried to think about the last couple of weeks. Sure I had been busier with work, but that was only because we had a big concert coming up. We were going to be flying out in a couple weeks to New York to play at the Apollo Theatre. That couldn't be the only reason she had to dump me. She's just as busy as I am. There had to be something else. I was about to continue in my thoughts when a loud voice interrupted me, causing me to jump.

"Logan?!" James yelled at me.

"What? What is it?" I asked in a panic.

"I said are you okay? I've said your name like five times now. What's wrong?"

I sighed. "Camille dumped me, again."

"Oh, I'm sorry, dude." James told him, placing a hand on my shoulder. "You guys seemed to be doing really well.

"Yeah, I thought so too." I said with a sigh "And don't be sorry, it's not your fault. I'm gonna go upstairs. Think things through for a while." I said to him standing up to walk away.

"Okay. Hey," James said calling after me. "Just remember that you've always got me, Kendall, and Carlos to talk to."

"Thanks, and I know. I'll see you later." I told him.

I just wish I knew what I had done wrong. I mean just the other day me and Camille had been fine. So what changed since then? I trudged into the elevator and ran my hands over my face. Today was supposed to be a good day. Instead it was turning out to be downright terrible. The doors opened with a ding and I walked out into the hallway and into 2J.

I walked into see Carlos and Kendall playing a video game.

"Hey Logan." Kendall said to me, not looking away from his game.

"Hey." I muttered sitting down at the counter.

I put my head down on the cool counter top and sighed. This day couldn't get any worse.

"Are you okay?" Kendall asked. I looked up to see him and Carlos in front of me, video game abandoned.

"Just peachy. Never better." I said sarcastically with a fake smile.

"Logan?" Kendall said.

"Camille dumped me okay!" I said throwing my hands up.

"What? Why?"

"I don't know! I was waiting in the lobby so I could talk to her, and when she showed she said we should see other people. She also said that were different and that it'd be for the best if we broke up."

"Oh. Well that sucks." Carlos chimed in. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," I told him getting up. "There's no point."

"But-."

"Just forget it, okay 'Los?" I said as I walked into my room.

I plopped down on my bed with a thud. I buried my face into my pillows and let out a muffled grunt. I heard a knock on my door and grunted again.

"Go away." I said to whoever was outside the door.

My bedroom door flew open and I looked up to see Kendall standing in the door way.

"I said go away." I told him stuffing my face in my pillow again.

"We need to talk."

"There's nothing to talk about." I told him angrily, looking up from my pillows. "Camille dumped me. End of story, Kendall."

"I know that. It's obvious that you're upset about it. I just want to make sure you're okay."

"I'm seventeen!" I yelled. "I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself. Now would you please just go? I want to be alone for a while."

"Fine," He whispered. "I'll leave you alone. Mom says dinner is in an hour if you're hungry."

"Okay." I muttered as he shut the door. I waited until I heard his footsteps grow quieter and quieter to lay back down again.

'So much for a great day' I told myself. Tomorrow I'd figure out just why Camille dumped me. Cause it couldn't be just me… Right?

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**A/N: So... was that good? Bad? Make you want to run and scream and hide because it was terrible? If you liked it please let me know what you thought about it! I really need to get back into writing again.**

**Please leave a nice review and have great day!**

**Peace Love and :)**

**~Bea (Changing it up) **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hey! First of all thanks for all the the love on the first chapter! Since its summer I'm going to try to update once or twice a week! Thanks all you lovely people who reviewed! Here's chapter two!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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**"What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?**

**And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're OK?**

**I'm falling to pieces, yeah,**

**I'm falling to pieces" 'Breakeven' – The script**

"Logan? Logan, wake up." A small voice said.

My eyes sprung open and I blinked furiously trying to get my vision to correct itself. I guess I had fallen asleep while I was thinking. Once my eyesight was normal again I realized Katie was standing in front of me.

"Katie? What is it?" I mumbled.

"Mom told me to come get you to see if you wanted dinner or not. Are you okay?" She asked me. "You looked like someone kicked while you were you already down."

"That's Camille for you." I muttered standing up and stretching.

"What?"

"Nothing, Katie. Just… forget I said anything. You wouldn't understand."

"Logan, I'm fourteen not four. Tell me."

I sighed deeply before saying anything. "Camille broke up with me, happy?"

"Wait what? What happened?" Katie exclaimed.

"I don't know. All I know is that the girl I'm in love with doesn't love me back."

"Did you just say you love Camille?"

"Yeah," I told Katie. "I was going to tell her today that I love her but she dumped me before I had the chance to."

"Oh… well that really sucks." She remarked.

"Yeah tell me about it."

Neither one of said anything after that. Katie and I just stood there looking around the room instead of each other.

"We should go eat; everyone's probably waiting on us now." I said quietly.

Katie nodded and followed me out of the room.

When we got to the table, everybody was there waiting for us. Just I had suspected.

"Finally, I'm starving." Carlos said as he greedily started digging into the bowl of macaroni n' cheese sitting in front of him.

"How can you be hungry? You just had pie like an hour ago when we were playing Call of duty." Kendall said looking at his smaller friend.

"Yeah, but that was an hour ago." He replied. Everyone else laughed while I just shook my head at my friend. I swear some days it's like he has four stomachs.

"Logan? Are you going to eat sweetie?" Mrs. Knight asked me noticing I hadn't touched the food that was sitting before me.

"Oh, no thank you. I'm not very hungry right now hungry."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Mrs. Knight. I'm sure."

She nodded at took my plate over to sink. I looked over to catch Kendall giving me a stare down.

"What?" I mouthed at him. He shook his head and looked away.

I sighed deeply in frustration. I was starting to get really mad at Kendall. I knew that he'd be all over me for the next few days. Constantly asking me if I'm okay? I know he means best. I never understood why he feels like he has to protect us. But after his accident a few months ago, Carlos, James and I have been making sure to keep an eye on him as well.

After he got hit, we learned how down he'd been on himself. I felt terrible that I hadn't noticed sooner. But we were able to pull him out of his little funk and get back to being Kendall.

Now his over protectiveness was driving me a bit nuts.

"Excuse me," I said standing up. "I'm going to go for a walk."

"Okay," Kendall said. "We'll come with you."

"I'm not up for company right now." I said quietly as I walked out the front door.

I realized how rude that was once I walked away, but I didn't care. I didn't need anybody right now telling me that everything would be okay and that I'd find someone new eventually. I didn't anyone new, I just wanted Camille back.

Before I realized it, I ended up in Palm Woods park. I sat down on a bench and put my head in my hands. This day was turning much differently than I had planned. I wanted Camille to tell me that she loved me too and that we'd never be apart again. Instead she decided to break me in half. Why did she do this? How could she?

When I looked up I saw something that broke my heart even more. I saw Camille with a guy.

She was with Steve.

She was standing there laughing at whatever he said. Her hand was on his arm. They looked like they had been dating for years.

I couldn't believe it. That's why she did it, that's why she dumped me. She'd fallen for Steve, of course.

Before I could entirely wrap my mind around what happened and what I'd just witnessed, I stood up and ran all the way back to Palm woods. When I got there I ran up the stairs to 2J not wanting to wait for and elevator, nor did I want to be seen by anyone.

I threw the door open and I went straight into my room and locked the door, ignoring all pleads from my friends to come out and talk to them. I didn't want to talk to them, or anyone for that matter.

I grabbed a pillow off my bed, shoved my face in it and I screamed. I screamed in anger and sadness and all the pain I had built up inside me. I let it all out without even thinking about it for more than a second.

When I stopped screaming, I noticed that all the banging on my door had ceased. I felt a little bad about shutting everyone out, but not bad enough to go out there. I stood up and unlocked the door knowing that eventually Carlos would have to come in so he could go to bed.

I went into the bathroom and gave myself good once over in the mirror. I couldn't find anything in particular that stuck out about me. What does Steve have that I don't?

I hated trying to figure out what was wrong with me. All I really wanted right know was a hot shower. I turned on the water and stripped myself of my clothes before stepping into the shower. The hot water felt good against my body. I just stood there and let the water run down arms and legs, too lazy to wash my hair today.

After a while I got out of the shower and changed into a pair of flannel pajama pants and t-shirt. When I came out of the bathroom, Carlos was sitting there on his bed looking at his phone.

"Hey." I said quietly. He perked up immediately upon hearing me.

"Hey," He replied. "Thanks for unlocking the door."

"You're welcome, I'm gonna go to bed." I said pulling back the covers on my bed. "We have rehearsal tomorrow and I rather not get yelled at by Gustavo again for being late."

"Yeah. Wait, aren't you gonna eat something?" He asked.

"No," I told him. "I'm not hungry."

"But-." Carlos tried before I cut him off.

"I'm fine Carlos; I can eat in the morning. Okay?"

"Okay," he said sheepishly "Good night."

"G'night."

The lights went off and I just laid there. I kept thinking about everything that I could've done to make Camille stay. I guess I didn't try hard enough. No wonder she dumped me. Something had to change… I just have to figure out what that is.

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**Please leave a nice review! If you do i'll be your best friend!**

**Peace love and :) ~B**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I know this is late! But I'm working on like four different one shots right now so, don't judge! Here you go! **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

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**'I told another lie today**  
**And I got through this day**  
**No one saw through my games**  
**I know the right words to say**  
**Like "I don't feel well," "I ate before I came"' Courage - Superchick**

A loud blaring sound awoke me from my sleep. Realizing it as my alarm I quickly turned it off and got out of bed. Seeing that Carlos was still asleep I grabbed a pillow of my bed and threw it at him.

"Carlitos, it's time to get. We have to be at the studio in an hour."

A quiet groan came from his mouth as he rolled off the bed. I chuckled little. I walked out into the kitchen to see Kendall half asleep, his head resting on the counter top. I barely got any sleep but I seem to be the only that's the least bit awake.

I went over to Kendall and nudged his shoulder, bringing him back to his senses.

"I'm up… I'm up." He said loudly in surprise. I laughed again.

"Don't you guys ever get any actual sleep?" I asked him.

"Shut up." He muttered. "James was snoring again."

"I was what?" James asked his head peeping out of the bathroom.

"Nothing." Kendall and I replied.

I walked into the bathroom to get ready. I looked at myself in the mirror like I had last night. Maybe I could lose a few pounds I thought to myself. That wouldn't hurt anyone.

I had kind of let myself go lately. I'll never make that mistake again if I know its means I'll get dumped. I rolled up my shirt and pinched at my stomach. I decided that it'd be good for me to lose a couple pounds. Maybe if I do Camille will like me again.

I stepped on the scale we kept in the bathroom to see just how much I weighed. It read 165. Crap. Last I checked I weighed about ten pounds less than that. I'll just start eating less and work out some more I told myself.

"Logan! Hurry up; we have to leave like now." Kendall said from outside the bathroom, banging on the door.

I opened up the door and walked out. "Okay let's go then."

The four of us walked out the door and down the stairs since we were behind schedule, again. Gustavo would throw a fit if we were late again. He'd make us sing for hours without stopping and have us dance until we threw up. We were sitting in the limo when I felt Carlos nudge me.

"Did you eat anything this morning?" he asked in a whisper.

"Yes." I lied quickly. In all the rush of getting out the door this morning, I had forgotten to eat. But it wouldn't hurt to not tell anyone that.

"Good." Carlos said.

I sighed and looked out the window of the limo. Maybe I was getting too fat for Camille. I guess she didn't like being labeled as the girl that was dating total fat ass for a guy. Come to think of it, I was getting a bit bigger, and it was starting to show.

I could go on a diet. People do that all the time when they want to lose weight. It wouldn't be that hard. With my hockey experience I'm used to working out a lot, but I haven't been working out regularly in almost a year. But since were on summer break for school, I'll have time to get back in shape.

"Logan!" Kendall yelled making me jump.

"What?" I need to pay attention more.

"Get out of the car we're here."

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The next four hours of rehearsal were brutal. As soon as we had stepped into Rocque records we were told to start working with Mr. X on our dancing. The four of us danced and danced until we thought our legs would fall off. As we sat there on the ground panting, Gustavo walked in.

"Dogs," he said. "It may seem I'm working you harder than usual… which I am. But, it's only because in three weeks, you boys are headed off to the city that never sleeps."

"I thought we we're already in Los Angeles." Carlos said in a confused tone.

"We are you idiot," James said. "He's talking about New York."

"Correct, and I need to make sure you boys ready before we leave so YOU DON'T SUCK ON STAGE. You're all done for the day, go home."

The four of us stood up and walked out to the limo that was waiting for. Gustavo could be really mean sometimes, but were used to it by now so it doesn't faze us anymore.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw James and Kendall nod in reply at something Carlos must have asked them. I was still trying to think of all the possibilities why Camille would dump me other than Steve.

"Logan?" Carlos said to me.

"Hm? I'm sorry what?"

"I said to you want to go pool when we get home? Are you okay? You seem kind of out it."

"Yeah, I'm good. Just a little tired, I didn't sleep very well last night."

It wasn't a total lie. I hadn't slept very well, but I wasn't tired really. Just kind of sad, but I couldn't tell them that. If I told them I was upset, they'd be all over me, especially Kendall. He knows what this feels like, and I really don't need him in my business right now. I just need to focus on our concert and getting Camille back. A loud voice snapped me out of my thoughts again.

"Hey, earth to Logan!" James yelled at me, snapping his fingers.

"What?" I said quietly. "What is it?"

"You were spaced out again. Seriously dude, are you okay?"

"Yes, James, I'm okay. Like I said, I'm just tired, I promise."

The limo stopped and I tried to get out as quickly as I could, that way none of the guys could ask any more questions. I had a feeling that they were going to get really annoying really fast. I really needed to get new friends… and soon.

As I was walking through the lobby I saw Camille. I felt the urge to talk to her, but I didn't know what to say. I miss her so much. I'll do anything to get her back. No matter what it takes.

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**Please leave a nice review!**

**~B**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: THIS IS LATE AND I'M SO SORRY! I've just been really lazy lately. BUT HEY, better late than never right! Part of this is just kind of a filler... yeah.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing at all!**

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**"Ever wonder about what he's doing  
How it all turned to lies  
Sometimes I think that it's better to never ask why"- Try, P!nk**

"Logan can I ask you something? It's about yesterday." Kendall said. He had caught up to me in the lobby and had his arm draped over my shoulder, leading me towards the elevator. I wasn't really in the mood to talk about yesterday.

"Sure what is it?" I huffed at him.

"Well you stormed into the apartment all mad and then you locked yourself in your room for like an hour. Why? Did something happen?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Yes it does now tell me." My blonde friend pleaded.

"Camille found someone better! Okay? I went to the park and she was standing there with Steve acting like she hadn't just dumped me an hour before! She's happier with him than she ever would've been with me." I yelled turning to him as the door to the elevator open. "So there… now you know what happened. Happy?"

"Not really, no." He said quietly.

"Dude, what was that?" James said coming up the stairs with Carlos close behind. "You guys ran off and made us take the stairs."

"Just forget it." I mumbled walking past them and into the apartment.

I walked into my room and changed into shorts and a t-shirt. I decided I should blow off some steam at the gym. Plus I could use the work out. Luckily the Palm woods have one in the building, which was convenient. I grabbed my phone and my ear buds and walked out to the kitchen.

"Hey, Mrs. Knight?" I said.

"Yes sweetie?"

"Is it okay if I go down to the gym for a while?"

"Wait, I thought you said you were tired." Carlos chimed in from his seat on the couch. "Aren't you going to take a nap or something?"

"Well I'm not tired anymore so… no. So is it okay?"

"Yes, you can go," She said "But dinner is a six, so just be back before then."

"Okay thanks." I told her as I walked out the front door. A workout would do me justice. When I got to the gym I spotted Lucy jogging on one of the treadmills.

"Hey." I said.

"Oh, hey Logan. I hope you don't mind, but Camille told me what happened yesterday. I'm sorry. I know it must suck."

"Don't be, please. I've already got the guys watching like a hawk about it." I told her. Lucy's my friend and everything; I just kind of wanted to keep this on the down low for a while.

"Okay, fine." She said.

"Seriously?" I said to her as I got on the other treadmill next to hers.

"What?"

"That's it, you're just done being sorry for me. Just like that?"

"Well yeah," She said. "You said don't be sorry so… I'm not. What did you think I would say? I feel bad so I'm gonna be sorry anyways."

"Kind of." I told her.

"Oh."

Neither one of us said anything for a while after that. The only sounds being made in the small room were coming from the machines we were both on, and the quiet radio in the back. I could feel my legs start to burn a little bit. I assumed it was from not working out in so long. But my Dad always used to say better late than never, so anytime was as good as right now.

"What are you doing down here anyways?" Lucy asked me, breathing heavily as she ran. "It's just I'm here all the time and this the only time I've ever seen you so… what gives?"

"Well why are you down here?"

"I asked you first!" she exclaimed.

I didn't want to tell her. Because she'd probably say I don't need to lose weight or I look just fine, both of which are total lies.

"I used to play hockey when were in Minnesota and me and the guys used to work out almost every day because of that. I figured I could get back into my old routine. Well, that and I needed to blow off some steam. So, how about you? Why do you come down here?"

"I come down here to get my anger out; running helps me blow off steam as well. I was on the track team when I was younger so it's nothing out of the ordinary for me either. I didn't know you guys played hockey."

"Well I didn't know you ran in track." I remarked.

"Touché."

I laughed a little at her. I had known Lucy for almost a year, yet I knew almost nothing about her. I didn't realize it until know somehow. I looked at the time and noticed it was almost six which meant I had to go back to the apartment.

"Shoot, I got to go or I'm going to be late. I'll see you later." I said quickly as I got off the treadmill and walked out of the gym.

"Bye." I heard a probably now very confused Lucy yell after me. I ran up the stairs as fast as I could so I could make it back on time.

When I got there, I saw Carlos setting the table while Mrs. Knight was in the kitchen finishing dinner.

"Oh, good you're just in time, dinner's almost ready." She said to me. I watched as she carried a plate of fish sticks and taters tots over to the table. I had completely forgotten it was Friday. I loved fish sticks, but I wasn't really in the mood to eat.

"Aren't you going to sit down?" James asked me.

I guess I had spaced out again because when I looked up I saw everyone sitting at the table staring at me. I sat down quietly avoiding all eye contact. I scooped up some fish sticks and tots onto my plate. Instead of eating it I just stared. I didn't want to eat it, but then I remembered I hadn't eaten a thing since yesterday. We were busy at the studio today and Gustavo hadn't given us a break for lunch. I figured it wouldn't hurt to eat a little bit of food.

Before I knew it, Mrs. Knight was asking me if I wanted seconds or not, which I said yes to. After a few minutes I was done with that plate too. I guess I was more hungry than I realized. I guess going on a diet would be harder than I thought it would.

I felt my stomach do a flip and groaned a little. I stood up and ran straight to the bathroom. When I got there I kneeled down and emptied my stomach of everything I had just eaten. I felt someone rub their hand on my back in a circle as if they were trying to comfort me. I sat back on my calves and sighed. I looked up to see Kendall holding out a small cup of water.

"Are you okay?" He asked me. I nodded and took the water from him.

"I guess I just ate too fast." I told him quietly. I swished the water around in my mouth before spitting it out seeing as it had an awful taste.

"Just… take it easy next time, okay?" he said.

I nodded in reply as he left. Oddly I felt better instead of worse. Of course my stomach hurt a little bit, but now I didn't feel bad about eating so much food. I had heard of people forcing themselves to throw up before. A girl at our school in Minnesota had been doing that secretly for months until she had to be hospitalized because she was so underweight.

I knew about how bad the effects of things like that were. I am studying to be a doctor after all. In extreme cases a person could die from malnutrition. I don't think I could ever force myself to vomit. But hey… there's a first for everything, right?

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**DUH DUH DUUHHHHH! Poor Logan :( Obviously this will turn into an eating disorder story!**

**OKay can we all agree that Scott Fellows is trying to kill us by making us all fan-girl until we die! I mean honestly after last nights episode I thought I was going to keel over!**

**The best part was when Kendall said. "I think me and James just broke up." I laughed so hard! **

**Anyways have a great day!**

**~B**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: If any of you are reading Live laugh love, then you already know that I leave for Texas tomorrow. I'm excited but also sad cause I won't have a chance to update. So I'm posting this now to hold you all over until I get back! Please enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing! **

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**"What Can I Say?  
When all you do is push me away" What can I say-Shealeigh**

**Logan's POV**

It's been a week since I got sick after dinner. I haven't thrown up since then, but I feel like it might help if I do. After wards I wasn't hungry at all the day after, which was good for me. I've gone from 165 to 159. It's not enough weight loss though; I still look like a whale. I don't know how I didn't realize it before now. I've been going to the gym every day, sometimes twice. I've also been talking to Lucy a lot more. We've become really good friends. I'm glad I have someone to talk to.

I'm still kind of upset about the whole Camille thing. She had reasons why she wanted to dump me, but they didn't seem logical. At least to me they weren't. Yeah we were different, but that's what made us closer in ways. I had my music and hockey and dreams of being a doctor. While she had her acting career and the way she would go around smacking people even if she didn't know them. It was what gave us things to talk about.

I can see her from where I'm sitting. That sounds really creepy, which it probably is but I don't care. I'm in the park looking at her; she's sitting on a bench ten feet away, looking at script. A part of me hates her. I hate her for breaking my heart and leaving me in the dust. I hate her for going and finding someone new right after she dumped me. I hate her. But no matter how much I hate her, I can't help but love her.

I love it the way her face lights up when she gets the role she wanted in a movie or making her laugh. I love that she's willing to do anything for her friends to keep their asses out of trouble. I loved the way she would constantly try to maul my face off with her lips. I loved it the most when I could still hold her close and call her mine.

Before I could process what I was doing, I find myself standing in front of Camille. She looks up at me and looks surprised and almost a little scared.

"Logan… hi." She says.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure, w-what is it?"

"You said we were different. When you dumped me you said were different but before that you never cared that we were. So why did you do it, why did you dump me out the blue? Tell me."

"Logan, I-."

"No," I told her sharply "I need to know. Tell me, why you did it. Please that's all I'm asking."

"I-I found someone else." She stammered out.

I didn't want to believe it but now I had too. Camille had found someone better.

"I understand you probably hate me but-."

"Hate you?" I yelled cutting her off and making her flinch "Hate you? Okay yes I do, I hate you a little bit. I hate you for what you did to me. Though I can't help but love you! I love you more than anything in the world! That's what I was going to tell you that day in the lobby. I wanted to tell how much I freaking love you and be able to hear you say it back. I love someone that doesn't love me anymore! Do you know how bad that feels inside? To know that nothing you say or do can make the person you'd do anything for love you and take you back again. It feels awful. I hate myself more than I hate you! I freaking hate myself because I want you back, but I can't have you!"

"Logan I-." She tried. But I didn't want to hear what else she had to say.

"Forget it; I shouldn't have come over here in the first place."

With that turned and walked away, trying to keep myself composed while I made my way back to the apartment. I got there in record time and ran straight to my room. I slid down against the door to my room and let the tears that I had been holding in for a week come out.

I couldn't believe I had just admitted all of that to Camille. More importantly, I said that I hated myself. I hadn't realized it until just now. I hated myself because I was nothing without her.

A small buzzing noise snapped me out of my thoughts. Someone was calling me, it was Lucy.

"Hello?" I said.

_"Hey are you okay? You just about knocked me over in the lobby ten minutes ago, what's going on?" She told me._

"Oh sorry about that," I said trying not to choke on my words "I was just in a hurry."

_"Logan, you're a terrible liar, tell me what happened!"_

"It's nothing I promise. Look I gotta go I'll talk to you later." I snapped hanging up as quickly as possible. I didn't want to talk to anyone right now. What had just happened was no one's business but mine and Camille's. I hope it stays that way

* * *

*** Lucy's POV**

I was so confused. Logan had just been running through the lobby not even ten minutes ago, looking like he was gonna cry, and now he says nothing's wrong. Something is definitely up. But he won't talk to me, that's for sure. Maybe Camille would know.

Sure it's a long shot since they broke up, but hey, it's worth a try. I pulled out my phone and called her.

_"Hello?"_

"Hey, Camille its Lucy.

_"Oh h-hey."_ She said quietly into the phone.

"You sound upset," I told her. "What's wrong?"

_"I don't know. I was going over a script in the park then Logan came up to me and…"_ She trailed off.

"Camille? Camille what did Logan do? Please, you have to tell me."

_"He said he loves me."_

"Oh. Well what did you do?" I asked her. That wasn't like Logan, to flat out tell someone something big like that. Especially if he had just gotten his heart broken by said person.

_"Nothing he just kept talking then he left. Should I be worried?"_

"I don't know why?"

_"Logan told me that he hates himself."_

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**Poor Logan! The next chapter will be better I promise! Please leave a friendly review to come home to! Have a great fourth of July! Oh! And don't get blown up! ;)**

**~B**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I'M SO DAMN SORRY THIS TOOK SO FREAKING LONG! I was out of town then my summer class started and I had the WORST case of writers block! But I finally got it finished after like a month... WHO ELSE CRIED AT BIG TIME DREAMS?! I was so sad!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own a thing!**

* * *

**"And finally I'm forced to face the truth,  
No matter what I say I'm not over you, not over you" Not over you- Gavin Degraw**

***Logan's POV**

After what I said to Camille yesterday, I'm guessing she won't talk to me ever again. I'm not even sure why I blew up at her like that, I just did. I didn't eat breakfast again this morning, again. Last night I pretended to have a stomach ache so I wouldn't have to eat dinner. Mrs. Knight told me to lie down until I felt better. I felt kind of bad about lying to her like that, but if I'm going to keep losing weight, then I need to stop eating so much. When I checked this morning before work I was only 157. That's still way too high; it means I'm still a fat cow. Once I get down to at least 130 I'll be okay, then maybe I can go back to eating normally again.

Right now I'm sitting on the floor in the dance studio of Rocque records. The guys and I have been waiting for Mr. X for almost half an hour now. I don't mind though, I've been really tired the last couple of days. If I get sick before our performance in New York, Gustavo will kill me.

"Alright boys, up, off your feet." Gustavo said as he walked in. "Mr. X just called in saying he'd out sick for the next week so…looks like you dogs have the week off. Don't do anything stupid; now get out of my studio. I'll see you in a week."

On a normal day I'd be mad that rehearsal got canceled mostly because that was my one excuse to make sure I work out every day, but today I don't care. I went to bed yesterday feeling clammy and this morning I woke up with a migraine and a gut ache. Plus Carlos' constant chattering isn't helping my case at all.

Kendall's been looking weird at me all morning, it's like he knows something's up with me.

"Can I help you?" I ask him, turning around to face him as we walked out of the studio. I could practically feel him staring at me.

"You look terrible;" He chuckles "Do you feel okay?"

"Yes, I feel fine why?"

"You're an awful liar."

"Shut up." I muttered as we got into the limo to take us home. The movement was starting make me nausea. Luckily the traffic wasn't bad so we got back home quickly.

"Seriously dude, are you okay?" Kendall asked again as we got out of the car.

"Yes! I'm-." I felt a rumble in my stomach and before I could register what was happening, I had vomited in the middle of the parking lot.

"Whoa!" he said loudly taking a large step away from me.

"Okay, you were right I'm sick." I told him hunched over.

"Hey you guys what's- whoa who got sick?" James said coming out of the lobby doors

"Logan did. Help me get him upstairs, would you?"

"No guys I'm fine I can- oh geez." I exclaimed as I was lifted off my feet by my two strong friends. They carried me up the stairs and, into the apartment, and into my room where they dropped me onto my bed.

"Ugh." I muttered gripping my stomach.

"Are you going to puke again?" Kendall asked me.

I nodded slowly and waited until I knew the trash can was underneath me to vomit again. God I hate being sick. Once I was done I looked up to see Kendall and James staring at me wearily.

"What?" I asked.

"Why didn't you tell us you were sick?" James asked me.

"Cause I didn't think it was that big of a deal when I woke up this morning, besides it was just a headache."

"Dude, you just threw up," Kendall said. "That's more than just a headache."

"Whatever, just go away. I'm tired, let me sleep." I told him in a muffled voice as stuffed my face into my pillow.

I waited until I heard them walk away and waited for the door to latch before I stood up to go to the bathroom. I had an urge to check to see if had lost any weight from getting sick.

156. That's what the scale read. How could it have not gone down more? I threw up twice for crying out loud.

"Hey mom wanted to know if…" Katie trailed off as she saw me standing there on the scale. "What are you doing? Kendall said you were sick."

"I'm just… it's nothing. What did your mom want?"

"She wanted to know if you wanted anything for your headache."

"No thanks, I think I'm just going to lie down for a while. But tell Mrs. Knight I said thank you for offering."

Katie nodded as she left the room. That could've been a close one. I need to be more careful. I slowly walked back over to my bed and crawled under the covers. I looked over to my night to see a picture of me and Camille. I don't know why I haven't taken it down yet. I have my arms around her waist and she's smiling like someone had just said something funny before the picture was taken. I didn't realize how much I missed not only her, but us.

"I'll find a way to make you love me." I whispered right before I fell into a fitful sleep.

* * *

***Lucy's POV**

I'm standing in front of 2j wondering if I should do this or not. I feel like I should talk to Logan, but I don't him to think I'm intruding. After what Camille said though, I feel like I should. Before I know it, the door to 2j is open and a tall brunette is standing looking at me like I'm a Victoria's secret model.

"Why hello Lucy, how may I help you?"

"Is Logan here? I need to talk to him." I say pushing past him.

"Uh, yeah he's here but he's sick." James told me.

"Do I look like I care?" I snap at him. "Which room?"

"Second door on the right."

I opened the door without bothering to knock first. I saw Logan asleep on his bed, curled up in a ball. He looked like a little boy. I picked up the first pillow I could find and gave him a hard smack with it.

"Wh-what?" Logan said surprised at why he was being awoken from his sleep. "Lucy? What are you doing here… in my room."

"We need to talk about something." I said as I sat down on his bed.

"Okay, well what is it?"

"Camille called me yesterday and-."

"Oh my God." He huffed, cutting me off. That wasn't like him I thought to myself. Something must be up.

"What?"

"I don't know what she told you but I wasn't any of your business."

"She called me!" I exclaimed. "She was crying when she called; excuse me for feeling bad for her! Plus what she said made me worried. She told me what you said."

"Which part? I said a lot."

"The part about you hating yourself, is that true Logan?" I whispered.

"Get out."

"Wait what?"

"I said get out; I don't want to talk to you anymore." He extended hand toward the door showing that he really was mad at me.

With that I left the room and the apartment, avoiding all the questions that were thrown at me on the way out the door. Getting through to Logan would be harder than I thought.

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**I hope this made up for the long wait! Have a great day!**

**~B**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: YAY! Faster update than normal! :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

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**"I stare at my reflection in the mirror:**  
**"Why am I doing this to myself?"**  
**Losing my mind on a tiny error,**  
**I nearly left the real me on the shelf." 'Who you are'- Jessie J**

***Kendall's POV**

Something's up I thought to myself. This afternoon Lucy came in needing to talk to Logan about something, and then she stormed right out without saying anything. Logan's been acting really weird lately. He's always down at the gym and he's always spending time with Lucy when he's there. Am I missing something? Maybe he's dating her. No, he's in love with Camille. He wouldn't go after Lucy… would he? I'm standing in front of his and Carlos' room wondering if I should go in or not.

"Are you going to talk to him?" I hear from behind me.

I spin around to see Katie standing there.

"I-I don't know, why?"

"You've been standing there for like five minutes. Is something wrong?"

"I'm not sure. Has he said anything to you, you know about the whole Camille thing?" I asked.

She shook her head. "I did see them in the park though, yesterday afternoon."

"Well what happened?"

"I don't know. I looked over and saw them talking, then Logan started yelling about something and then he left. After that Camille just kind of sat there, I think she started to cry too."

"Wow, of all people, I never thought Logan would make a girl cry." I said.

"I did what?" I heard from behind me.

I turned around again to see Logan standing there looking at me and Katie like we were nuts.

"Oh hey," I said. "How are you feeling?"

"Honestly? Like shit." He chuckled. I thought it was weird that he laughed about being in pain.

"Why are you laughing? Being sick isn't normally something that you laugh about."

"I was just being sarcastic. Calm down dude, I'm going to go for a walk." He said pushing past me and Katie.

"But you're sick-." She tried.

"It's just a walk Katie; I'll be back in an hour." He snapped as he walked out the front door.

I looked down at my baby sister to see the surprised and slightly hurt look on her face. I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and held her close to me and wondered what just happened.

What's wrong with Logan?

* * *

***Logan's POV**

I feel bad for being so mean to Katie, but I needed to get out of the house so I could go down to the gym. I don't care anymore if I'm sick or not. I won't stop until I get Camille back. When I got into the gym, the first thing I did was get on the treadmill. I turned it up just high enough so I could still run without feeling like I was going to get sick.

"What the hell are you doing?" Lucy yelled at me. I hadn't seen her come in and she looked extremely peeved.

"Jogging… what does it look like I'm doing?"

"You're sick!"

"Yeah, I know that… is there a point to this conversation or…?" I trailed off; turning off the machine I was on. I didn't understand why she was yelling at me. It's not like I committed a crime.

"Go home Logan! You should be in bed; you're not going to get any better if you don't get some rest."

"I don't want to go home! Can't you see that?" I yelled back at her. "I can't go into a room without Kendall breathing down my neck and staring at me or having someone asking me every five minutes if 'I'm okay'. I hate feeling like I'm some charity case just because I got dumped! I don't need anyone's pity. I'm not broken, I don't need fixing!"

Neither one of us said anything for a while after that. We just stood there staring at each other.

"You know, if I had known you were going to turn into a total jackass, I wouldn't have bothered in the first place." She said breaking the silence that hung in the air like a thick fog.

"Okay did you come down here just to yell at me 'cause-."

"No!" She snapped. "I came down here to blow off some steam 'cause I was mad about what happened earlier. I didn't even know you were here."

"Whatever, I'm going home." I said walking out the gym door.

"But you just said-." I didn't want to hear what she had to say.

"Just forget it." I said loudly. I picked up my pace and began to run back to the apartment in fear that Lucy would chase after me. Once I got there, I shut the door behind me and leaned up against it and shut my eyes. Why did it seem like everyone was slowly beginning to hate me.

"Hey." Someone said from the kitchen.

I opened my eyes to see James standing in the kitchen going through the refrigerator.

"Oh, hey James." I muttered.

"Mama Knight and Katie went out shopping, so were in charge of dinner. Is there anything you want?" he asked.

"No, I'm not hungry. Just order a pizza or something."

"You sound kind of pissed. Are you okay?"

"Oh you know, just fan-freaking-tastic." I told him as walked into my room and shut the door. I quickly went into the bathroom and looked into the mirror.

I looked absolutely horrible. No wonder everyone was starting to hate me. No one would want be seen walking around with such a fat ass like me. I couldn't take it anymore, something had to change.

I got down on my knees and placed myself in front of the small toilet. Did I really want to do this? Was it worth it? If it meant getting Camille back and looking good again then I'd do anything. I brought my hand up to my mouth and blinked back the angry tears that had formed out of nowhere.

After a minute of trying, I finally got my fingers back far that I gagged; spewing out the small breakfast I had had this morning before work. I coughed a little and wiped my mouth. I felt disgusting. I stood up and ran the tap water then scooped some up in my hands to rinse my mouth out with.

I heard someone knock on the door and felt my blood run cold with fear.

"Hey, Logan," Carlos said from other side of the door. "Our pizza we ordered is here, are you going to come eat with us?"

"Uh, yeah, I'll be out in a minute. You guys can start without me." I called out to him. Afterwards I looked up and took a long look in the mirror.

_What have I done?_

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**As always, please leave a nice review. There like an energy booster, they make me work faster. Have a great day!**

**~B**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:This chapter was easier to write than the last few. :)**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own anything.**

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**"I'll keep you my dirty little secret  
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret." -Dirty little secret, All american rejects**

I walk out of my room and slowly make my way into the kitchen. I popped a small mint into my just to hide any traces of vomit from my breath. The first thing I saw were Kendall and James standing there talking about something.

"Really, James?" Kendall said to James. "You ordered mushrooms? Dude that's disgusting, how can you eat that?"

"Excuse me if I find them enjoyable." James snapped back with his mouth full.

I chuckled a little bit. Both of them turned to look at me.

"You guys are ridiculous."

"Yeah yeah yeah, whatever. Shut up and eat your pizza." Kendall said waving his arm at me.

I looked down at the table in front of me. Did I really want to eat? I mean I just threw up. I guess I could always throw up again, right? That's the whole point. You eat when you need to then throw up afterwards. But, I can't eat too much. I still need to limit what I eat and when I do.

"Hey!" I heard "Earth to Logan!" I looked up to see Kendall waving his arms in the air like a maniac.

"Oh, sorry guys. Let's eat, I'm starving." I muttered.

In all honesty I wasn't hungry. But if I didn't eat then they would think that's something's up. I picked up a small slice and slowly ate as I watched my friend's converse between themselves.

"Oh, I almost forgot." Kendall said to me. "We have to go pick up your Mom at the airport tomorrow. You know since she's coming in a few days early for the show."

"Yeah, I know." I replied.

I do miss my mom; I haven't seen her in a while now. I'm kind of nervous about tomorrow though. I'm afraid that she'll say something about my weight, or look at me weird. For the first time in my whole life, I'm scared about seeing my mom.

"Logan!" Carlos yelled.

"Wh-what? What Carlos?" I stammered out.

"I said are you going to finish that?"

I looked down to see what he was pointing at. It was my half-finished piece of pizza. I pushed the plate towards him and watched a smile cross his face as he devoured it in mere seconds.

"Are you okay?" Kendall asked me.

I nodded. "Yeah, why?"

He shrugged. "I don't know you just seem kind of out of it lately."

"I'm just tired, that's all."

He nodded at me. "Well we were thinking about watching a movie, do you want to join us?"

"No," I said quietly. "I think I'm just going to go to bed. I'll see you guys in morning."

I stood up and heard various 'Good-nights' while turning to go to my room. I walked over to my bed slowly and crawled into a fetal position. It was more comfortable than I thought it would be. I could throw up again, but I didn't eat much so I didn't really need to right now. I was just about to fall asleep when the door opened and Kendall walked in and sat down on my bed. I lifted my head ever so slightly to look at him.

"It's called knocking for a reason. I could've been naked."

"You look sad… why?" he asked me bluntly. I rolled over and just stared at him for a minute.

"I don't know I didn't have the best day. It doesn't matter though; now go away I'm tired."

"But you always look sad now days, I don't like it. Miserable doesn't suit you well. I mean that in the nicest way possible, I promise."

"Thanks for the tip." I said rolling my eyes and rolling back onto my stomach.

Kendall didn't get up and leave though. He stayed there and stared at me before saying anything again. I didn't want to know what he had to say, but he told me anyways.

"You can tell me, you know if you're sad. I understand that sounds super cliche but I'm being completely honest. I get it. How it feels to be sad all the time. I hated it. I didn't like how unhappy I was and it ruined how I looked at life for a while. Then you, James, and Carlos pulled me out of it. If you hadn't, I'd probably still be depressed."

"I'm not depressed." I snapped.

"You know what I mean. The point is, you're not just my best friend but my brother, and I'd do anything to keep your spirits up and make sure you're happy forever. Goodnight."

After that I felt the bed shift and heard the door open and close shut. I knew he understood what it meant to be sad. Sure I've been a little down lately… but I'm not depressed. I felt my eyelids slowly begin to drip shut and fell into a fitful sleep.

* * *

I thought about what Kendall said this morning when I was getting ready. Sure I'm a bit more sad than usual, but hey it happens to everyone. I'm sitting in the airport waiting and listening to Carlos complaining about being bored. After the first 'Is the plane here yet?' his whining got really annoying.

"Carlos!" James snapped. "The plane will get here when it gets here."

"But I'm bored." My short friend said for the millionth time.

"Then go for a walk. Here's five dollars, knock yourself out, but don't get yourself killed." I told him.

"C'mon Katie, let's go see if they have fruit smackers!" he exclaimed as he ran off with my best friends little sister.

"Okay," Kendall gritted through his teeth, obviously very annoyed. "When the hell is that damn plane going to get here?"

"Soon, I think-." I was cut off by someone speaking overhead.

"Flight 915 from Minnesota has just landed in gate B of the west wing, flight 915 from Minnesota. Thank for flying with us and have a good day."

"Or the plane is here now. James why don't you go find Katie and Carlos, Kendall and I can go find my mom. We'll meet you back in here in half an hour." I told as I walked off with my blonde friend.

"Tell me again why I said it was a good idea to bring Katie along." Kendall said as we went to the west wing.

"Because your mom was still asleep and we didn't want to bother her." I reminded him.

We were only waiting for a few minutes when I heard a familiar voice from behind me. A voice I had missed so much more than I realized.

"Looking for someone?" My mom said. I turned around and saw her standing there with her luggage in one hand and her coat in the other. I started walking towards her faster and faster the closer I got. Once I reached her, I wrapped my arms around her as tight as possible without suffocating her.

"I missed you." I said quietly.

"I missed you too, baby." She replied. She pulled back slightly and pushed her fingers into my rib cage.

"What are you doing?" I chuckled.

"You're bonier than I remember."

I simply shrugged then walked back with Kendall and mom to find the other three. They can't find out about what I've been doing. If they did… I don't know what I'd do. I was never good at hiding things. This was one secret that I had to keep.

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**Good? Bad? Yes? No? ;) please leave a review and tell me what you guys think!**

**~B**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: You know whats awesome. I started this chapter today at like two o'clock and worked til three. Then started again like an hour ago and finished about ten minutes ago. I HAVE NEVER FINISHED A WHOLE CHAPTER IN ONE DAY! To say the least I was on a roll today! Please enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: For the ninth time this story I don't know anything! :) **

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**"But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell  
I know right now you can't tell  
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see  
A different side of me." -Unwell, Matchbox 20**

After we picked up mom we only had two days before we left for New York. The next couple of days were fun. Since we weren't working I got to spend more time with mom and still be able to go down to the gym to work out every day. If I couldn't get away for whatever reason I'd just go to the bathroom and vomit. It actually seems to be working. No one's noticed either, which I guess is a good thing. I don't want them to find out. But at the same time I wish I had someone to talk to about all of this.

I think Kendall was right. I've been really sad the last couple of weeks. I don't like it. It always there and it never goes away. It's getting harder pretending to be happy, 'cause I feel like a part of me forgot.

I also little worried about Lucy too. I went over yesterday to make up with her from the fight we had the other day. But it didn't go as I thought it would.

* * *

***The day before**

_"What are you doing here?" She asked me after she opened the door._

_"I wanted to come and I was sorry. You were completely right. I have been kind of a jackass lately and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you you were just trying to help."_

_"Thank you but it doesn't matter anymore. Now if you'll excuse _me_, I have something to do." She said as she tried to shut the door. I stopped her before had the chance._

_"Wait-."_

_"What?" She snapped. _

_"It's the middle of August, why are you wearing sleeves?" I asked her. "You've been here almost a year now and I don't think I've ever seen you without at least a jacket on, why?"_

_I inspected her face trying to see if anything would hint at what she's hiding but she had quite a poker face. I couldn't figure it out no matter how hard I tried._

_She stood up a little bit straighter and looked me dead in the eye. "That's no of your business." With that she shut the door in my face leaving me utterly confused at what happened._

* * *

It felt like she was hiding something, but I couldn't figure out what it was. I wish we had never fought in the first place. It would've made things a whole lot easier. I felt someone nudge me and looked over at James who was sitting next to me.

"What?"

"She asked if you wanted anything to eat." He told me. It was then I noticed the flight attendant standing behind with a pad of paper and a pen. Apparently everyone else had already gotten their food while they were waiting for me.

"Oh. No thank you, I'm not hungry. A glass of water would be fine though."

"What?" Kendall exclaimed from behind me. "You're not going to eat anything?"

"No…" I trailed off.

"Oh come on. We didn't eat before we got on the plane this morning and it's almost noon now. You have to be hungry."

In all honesty, I was starving. The last meal I had was lunch of two days ago. I don't know how I got away with not eating yesterday but I did. It was a lot easier than I thought. You'd think it'd be near impossible since I live with five other people, six if you include Mom.

"Could you just bring him a small plate of pancakes, chocolate chip if you have them?" Kendall asked the attendant.

"I'll be right back with that."

"You really don't-."

"She already left." He told me, smacking me on the shoulder in between the seats.

I sighed running my hands over my face. I didn't want to eat, even if I was hungrier than I've ever been in my life. When I checked this morning before we left I was only 149. The vomiting trick was working… but not as well as I thought it would. Maybe I should start working out more. That could work, right? The smell of chocolate and butter put my train of thought to a halt.

"Are you going to take this or what?" James asked holding out the plate of food.

I accepted the plate and inspected it. There were a lot of pancakes here for "small" portion. I turned around after getting the feeling someone was watching me. The first thing I was met with was Kendall's face two feet in front of mine.

"Are you going to eat it?" he asked.

"I will if he doesn't!" Carlos all but yelled in my ear.

If I realized that I if wanted them to shut up about it then I'd have to eat something. I picked up one of the smaller pancakes and tried shoving the whole thing in my mouth. The only problem was I attempted to swallow it whole and ended up choking instead. James thumped me on the back a couple times so I could breathe again.

"Are you okay?" Katie asked turning around in her seat in front of mine. She had come early with me and the guys instead of waiting until tomorrow with my mom, Mrs. Knight, Kelly and Gustavo.

I could feel all the eyes on me as I tried to figure out an excuse for what just happened. "I just took too big of a bit, that's all." I muttered quietly.

"Here have some water." James told me holding out his glass.

I took it and had a small sip. I looked up and I saw that Katie was still staring at me. Her and Kendall really are brother and sister.

"What?" I questioned.

I heard a quiet 'Nothing' then watched as she slid back down in her seat. Did she know? Could she have figured it out? No. No that wasn't possible; I hid my horrible habits almost perfectly. As long as I had something to say about it was going to stay that way. I wish this flight would get over soon so I could escape for a little while. If I didn't, I think I'll go more mad in the head than I already have.

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**I hope this was okay! I know I ask this a lot but pretty PLEASE leave a nice review! It means the world to me! Have a great day!**

**~B**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: I was going to try and get this up before school started yesterday but didn't start til last night so yeah... sorry guys! But hey can you believe we're already on chapter ten? CRAZY!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

* * *

**"Lost from within, pursuing the end  
I fight for the chance to be lied to again." -Lies, Evanescence **

***Logan's POV**

"You boys ready to do this?" Gustavo asked us. The four of us nodded. "Then let's do this! Get out there!"

With that we ran out on stage and listened to everyone scream as we did so.

"How are y'all feeling tonight?" James yelled into his mic as the music started.

If it was even possible, the screaming got louder. I loved my fans. They mean the world to me. There so supportive of me it's amazing. If they found out what I was doing to myself… they would hate me.

On a normal night I'd be psyched to perform for so many people, but today I don't want to. I understand that we've been rehearsing for months and practicing like crazy. This morning when I woke up I had a headache and my stomach felt funny. It didn't eat breakfast but after lunch I didn't even get all the way into the bathroom before I threw up. It was weird because I didn't force it… it just happened.

I remember reading somewhere that after a while, your body will make itself get sick even if you've stop forcing it. I had only been doing it for about a week though. I didn't think too much about it. I just figured I had eaten more than what I had gotten used to.

Halfway through the concert I started to get really tired. I wanted to lie down and take a really long nap. But I had to finish the concert first. We worked so hard to get here and I wasn't about to let my friends and everyone else down.

Finally the concert ended at we took our final bows.

"Thank you New York! We love you all! See you next time!" Kendall shouted.

It wasn't until I started walking off stage that I realized how dizzy I was. I heard someone ask me if I was okay before everything went black.

* * *

***Lucy's POV**

Something's off. I had to keep telling myself that throughout the whole the concert up in New York. I realized I no longer had reason for being mad at Logan, so figured that could come out to support all of the guys at their concert at the Apollo theatre. But throughout the whole show he looked really pale, like he was going to get sick.

I would've asked one of the many girls around me if they noticed anything, but they would've just said no then start screaming again. For weeks now I've been trying to figure out what's up with him. I haven't had any luck though. I'd ask Camille, but I know for a fact her and Logan aren't on speaking terms.

I would've kept thinking but the screaming started again. I looked around to see a lot of the girls freaking out about something. I asked one of the girls next to me what happened.

"Someone said they saw Logan pass out."

With that I didn't bother to ask more questions. Instead I pushed through people until I got to the stage where I climbed up the steps and ran back stage. I didn't care if could get in trouble, my friends needed me.

"C'mon Logan, please wake up. I need you to wake up now." I heard a voice say.

I looked over to my left to see a small crowd formed. I immediately spotted James and ran over to him.

"What happened? Is he okay?" I asked him.

"I-I don't know. He did fine during the concert then we got back here and he looked like he was going to keel over. Kendall asked him if he was okay and he down he went." He said. He looked at me then did a double take. "What are you doing here anyways?"

"I flew out here yesterday. I wanted to come see the show."

"Oh… thanks."

I nodded. Then I looked down at Logan and gasped. Logan was as white as a ghost. Kendall kept frantically trying to wake him up while someone called an ambulance. I grabbed onto James' arm, gave it a small squeeze, and held on to it for a while.

Eventually the paramedics came and whisked Logan away to the nearest hospital. The four of us just stood there, trying to figure out what happened. I heard the sound of someone crying and turned to see around Katie. Her eyes were puffy and red and she looked terrified. I let go of James and quickly wrapped the sad girl up into my arms.

I felt her start to shake and tried to soothe her.

"Shh Katie, sweetie it's okay. Logan's going to be okay. He's probably just sick. He'll be fine."

"H-how do you k-know that?" she cried.

"I just do."

"But…" She trailed off. Does she know something I don't?

"What, Katie? I need you to tell me."

She looked up at me, her eyes filled with fear and whispered.

"I think there's something wrong with Logan."

* * *

***Back to Logan**

When I woke up I was blinded by bright light. I shut my eyes quickly and rubbed at them. When I opened them again I found myself in a small, white room. _Hospital._ I was in a hospital. I looked around and saw my mom half asleep in chair next to the bed I was in.

"Mom?" I muttered.

Her eyes sprang right open. When she realized the sound came from me she hugged me as hard as she could.

"Don't ever scare me like that again." She whispered in my ear.

"I'm sorry."

"What happened? Are you sick? Have you been hurting yourself? Is-."

"What? Mom no, I… I was just dehydrated. It was my fault it won't happen again. I promise." I said looking right at her. She simply nodded then went back to hugging me.

Today was full of firsts. The first time we played at the Apollo as a band. The first time I ever remember passing out. It was also the first time I've ever lied to my mom. And I couldn't feel more guilty about it.

* * *

**I may sound greedy... but I didn't get any reviews on the one shot I just did. So if you want me to love you more then please go read it and tell me what you thought about it. Hope you liked this and have a great day!**

**~B**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: I wrote like 85% of this today... be happy! **

* * *

**"When you try your best, but you don't succeed  
When you get what you want, but not what you need  
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep  
Stuck in reverse." -Fix you, Coldplay**

***Kendall's POV**

I don't think I've ever been so scared in my life. Except for when I got hit by that car… but that's not the point. I knew something was up with Logan, I just couldn't figure out what it was. We were backstage when it happened; we had just gotten off stage.

* * *

_"Great job boys! You did an amazing job out there." Gustavo told us. I'm sure that's one of the first real complements he's ever given us._

_I turned around and saw that Logan was looking really pale. He was just standing there with this dazed look on his face, staring right at the ground. _

_"Hey, Logan, are you okay? You're looking kind of sick." I said to him. He looked up at me with glazed over eyes. I didn't have a chance to say anything else before his eyes rolled into the back of his head and his body came crashing to the floor. I dropped to my knees and immediately tried to shake him awake._

_"C'mon Logan, please wake up. I need you to wake up now." I said frantically. He showed no sign of regaining consciousness anytime soon. I heard someone say that the paramedics were here and I stood._

_I watched as the EMT'S tried all the same things I had. I wanted to tell them that, but they were already loading Logan into the ambulance. I turned around to face my friends. I saw Carlos and James standing right beside me, and Gustavo and Kelly were talking to Mrs. Mitchell. I looked over to the other side to Lucy comforting a hysteric Katie. I hadn't realized she had come to the show._

_I wanted to say something, but I didn't have clue on what to say._

* * *

The thought of it made me want to vomit. After Mrs. Mitchell left with to go to the hospital, a limo came and took us back to our hotel. James, Carlos and I have been in the same room for over an hour waiting Logan to get back.

"You don't think he's like… dying, do you?" Carlos asked us.

"Don't be ridiculous," James said. "He was probably just dehydrated."

I was going to join in on the conversation, but the door to the room had opened and Logan walked in. He looked pale and tired.

"Are you dying?" James exclaimed. I slapped him lightly in the chest.

"Nice to see you too, James. To answer your questions, no, I'm not dying. Just a little dehydrated. I'll be fine, I promise." he said. I felt myself sigh in relief, but I wasn't satisfied. Something was wrong with Logan, but he just wouldn't say it.

"Hey guys, I think I'm going to stay in here with Logan tonight, so could you…" I trailed off nodding towards the door. Carlos and James got my drift and left the room, telling Logan to feel better and that they'd see him at breakfast. I walked over and made sure the door was shut before I turned back to my sick friend.

"Dude!" I said loudly throwing my hands up.

"What?" he asked.

"What the hell was that? Why didn't you tell us you were feeling sick? We could've canceled the show, or at least have done our acoustic set instead."

"I didn't know I was sick until I walked off stage, that's when I realized how dizzy I was." He said plopping down onto the bed, he face looking up at the ceiling.

"What's going on with you? You've been so… distant lately. I never know what's going on with you, we never talk anymore."

"We're talking right now, that counts."

"No it doesn't." I told him sitting beside him. "I'm worried about you. As your best friend, it's my job to take care of you-."

"I don't need you to take care of me. God, I wish everyone would stop acting like I need fixing. There's nothing wrong with me!" he snapped. Now he just looked plain pissed. I didn't know what he was so mad about.

"No one said you needed fixing, Logan." I whispered. Everything was silent after that. The two of us just sat there looking at each other, not knowing how to continue. I wanted to help him with what was going on, but Logan was a tough one to crack.

"Look I'm really tired. Can we just go to bed and forget this ever happened? Please?" he begged. I nodded and watched him go into the bathroom.

I tried to think of ways to get through to him… but I couldn't find a solution.

* * *

***Logan's POV**

It's the middle of the night and I can't sleep. I don't know why I kept lying to people today. I told mom and Kendall that I was fine and I told the doctor at the hospital that'd I'd never skipped a meal on purpose. I'm afraid that someone's going to figure it out. Today was a close one and a little too close at that. I need to stop. I'm already down to 145 that's far enough. I'm just being plain stupid now.

I shut my eyes and tried to fall asleep but I couldn't. My head hurt again and my stomach still felt weird. I sat up to stretch, but my stomach did a flop and I ended up running into the bathroom. I threw up what little I had had to eat before the show. I hadn't even tried to make myself sick.

The bathroom door opened and revealed a sleepy blonde with some serious bed head.

"Did you just get sick?" He asked me, his eyes only opened into slits.

I nodded and flushed to get rid of the toxic smell I had become so accustomed to. I stood up and felt my stomach twist again. I bent over trying to make it stop. I wanted to say something but all I could do was grunt.

"Here have some water." He handed me a cup. I tried to swallow it but instead it came spewing out of my mouth.

"Are you okay?"

"I don't know." I said. Kendall then wrapped an arm around my side and led me back to my bed. He lay down behind me, slowing rubbing a circle into my back trying to make my pain go away.

_What the hell is wrong with me?_

* * *

**Expect some crazy stuff to happen soon! Thanks to everyone who has been reading this a leaving reviews it means a lot! Have a great day!**

**~B**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: YOU GUYS! THIS IS OFFICIALLY THE LONGEST THING I'VE POSTED ON FANFICTION! AH! Thanks so much for sticking with this story!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own a thing!**

* * *

**"You'll be just fine cause I know**

**he hears her when she cries." -When she cries, Britt Nicole**

* * *

What happened in New York at the hotel scared me, like a lot. That was two days ago, and my stomach _still _hurts. That next morning, when we got up to eat before we left, I could barely stand up. I mean it hurt that bad. Kendall had to help me stand up again just so I could go shower. Luckily I was able to keep my breakfast down, which made me feel a little less nervous.

It didn't help though that we had interviews all day long that we had to do. All the moving from place to place was hard. I thought I was going to pass out again, which only would've added to my list of growing problems.

Katie's acting strange, stranger than Kendall for once. Almost every time I look up or over my shoulder, she's standing there watching me. Sometimes I forget how smart she is, and how well she can find out about anything that she wants too. I underestimate that girl.

Now we're on the plane back to L.A. Carlos, Lucy and James are on the row behind us. I was kind of surprised when sat next to James instead of Katie. I swear if those two don't start dating soon, I may just have to lock them in a room together until they admit how much they like each other.

I don't think it's physically possible for me to feel any worse. Each time we hit a patch of turbulence, my stomach lurches and I get even more nausea. Kendall's right next to me, I don't think him or Katie have stopped looking at me since we got on the plane. The plane hits another rough patch and I'm about to lose it. I stand up as fast as I can.

"Wait, are you going t-?" Katie tries to ask me.

"Yup." I walk straight back to the small bathroom on the plane. I push the door open just in time for vomit to come out of my mouth. I missed and hit the sink but I don't even care. I turned on the small faucet and rinsed everything away.

I leaned against the counter and looked up at myself in the mirror. My eyes had dark bags on them and I looked like a ghost. I didn't even recognize myself for a second. It scared the shit out of me. I nearly screamed when I tried to stand up straight. Somehow I made back to my isle without getting sick again.

"Well that was disgusting." I said quietly. I sat back down and stuck my head in my knees. I felt like I was going to pass out again. I hated being dizzy.

"Are you okay?" Kendall asked me.

I shook my head. I looked up just enough to see him move his arm rest upward.

"C'mere," He said motioning his arms. I sat up as slow as possible and rested my head in his lap. He slowly began running his hands through my hair with his skinny fingers.

I don't know why he's being so nice to me. I'm not sure if he feels bad or just feels like he has to. I was going to ask him, but instead I found myself falling asleep.

* * *

***Lucy's POV**

I'm starting to get really worried about Logan. After what Katie said the other night after the concert, I realized that she was right. He's always two shades paler than a normal person should be and he has bags under his eyes the size of saucers. He nearly screamed bloody murder when we stood to get off the plane, and then after that he was moving really slowly.

"He's starting to scare me." Katie says walking up to me. I've been standing here watching the guys sign autographs for the last twenty minutes. For the most part I'm watching Logan.

"Why?" I asked her.

"He always looks tired even after waking up and he's a little too pale September, don't you think?"

"Yeah…" I trailed off. "Wait here."

I walked up to Logan and tapped on his shoulder. He turned to face me. "Can I talk to you?" He nodded and handed back a pen a picture to one of the many screaming girls. We stepped away from the crowd and I looked right at him.

"I wanted to say that I'm sorry. I had no right to snap at you like that and… I'm sorry." I told him.

"It's okay, honestly just forget it. Okay?" he said quietly. After that he walked away and disappeared again in a sea of fan girls. I walked back over to Katie.

"Can I ask you something?" She asked.

"Sure, shoot."

"Do you think Logan's okay?"

"Honestly Katie, I…" I said looking at her. "No, I don't."

* * *

***Logan's POV**

I'm so tired. I slept practically the whole plane ride and I'm still tired. I don't know why I'm so sleepy all the time. It seems like all I do is sleep and sing at Rocque Records. I need to start eating regularly again. Obviously I'm going to have to ease into it, but if it means putting things back together then fine.

I'm over Camille. I was stupid to think that she dumped me because I had gained a few pounds. She's not like that, I guess I just forgot. It wasn't until now I realized that she was right about us being different. At least it worked for a while, right?

I don't think Mom has stopped talking since we got off the plane. I thought it was strange that so many of the girls at the airport wanted a picture with her too, but who am I to judge?

"So," She says from next to me in the car. "I was thinking that since it's already after Labor Day, I should stay until after your birthday comes around. How does that sound?"

"That sounds great, Mom, I love the idea."

"Is there anything you want? For your birthday, I mean."

"No, I can't think of anything at the moment." I said. I lied again. The only I thing I want for my birthday is to know that I'm okay. Cause something inside of me is telling me that I'm not.

* * *

**Thanks again to everyone who has stuck with this story! Please leave a nice review and have a great Friday!**

**~B**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Happy birthday Logan! No song for this chapter :(**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

* * *

I'm officially freaked out. It's almost impossible for me to keep anything down. Even if I do it makes my stomach hurt like hell. I'm tired all the time, but I never get any sleep. I try sleeping but I'm never asleep for more than an hour before I'm awake again.

I'm cold. It's the middle of September and I'm cold. This morning I walked out my room wearing a hoodie and James looked at me like I was freaking nuts. I didn't know what to say so I just walked out the front door. Luckily we didn't have to work today, so it was okay that I disappeared… I think. I went for a walk all day long until I thought my feet would fall off. When I got back, I went to the pool, took off my shoes and stuck my feet in the water.

"Having fun there?" I heard someone say. I turned to see Lucy standing there.

"Kind of." She sat down next to me. "Hey, look I'm sorry about the whole scene at the airport, you tried apologizing and I was an ass to you, so I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry you were an ass too." She chuckled.

"You got that off a show, didn't you?" I asked. She nodded through her laughter. I don't think I've ever seen her laugh so hard. She tried to calm down, but then she saw the face I was making and she started laughing again. At some point I started laughing with her and if hadn't been the laughing I would've thought we were both high or something.

"Come with me, I'll buy you half a pizza." Lucy said standing up after calming down.

"Oh no you don't need to do that."

"I know but I want to, You can consider it an early birthday present. So I would hurry up before I change my mind. I'm going to go get some money then we can go wherever you like." She said walking away.

I wanted to stop her. I wanted to tell her that she's wasting her time buying me something I won't even is able to eat or keep down for that matter. I wanted to tell her everything I've done to myself lately. But instead I found myself utterly speechless.

A minute later she walked back to the pool and stopped about three feet in front of me.

"Are you coming or what?"

So I went. We found this old pizza parlor that was only a ten minute walk from the palm woods. We sat, talked, ate tons of pizza and laughed for what felt like an eternity. By the time we were done it had been dark out for hours. We walked back to the palm woods and then went our separate ways.

I opened the door to the apartment and it was pitch black which meant everyone, had gone to bed. I quietly shut the door and slid down against the door. Once I started I couldn't stop eating, I looked like a total pig. Now my stomach hurt more than it ever had before. I'm surprised even made it home without blacking out. I don't have enough energy to walk all the way to my room so instead I head for the couch.

I couldn't see in the dark and ended up walking into the counter, hitting my gut on the corner. If it was possible the pain in my stomach got worse. I fell down on the ground trying not to make any sounds. I didn't want to wake anyone up. With what little energy I had I crawled to the bathroom and pushed the door open.

I got there just in time for vomit to come out of my mouth. It wouldn't stop, it just kept coming. After an hour it finally stopped coming. But my stomach felt like someone had decided to Gustavo jump on me a couple hundred times.

I wanted to sleep more than anything, but if I stayed in the bathroom and someone came in they would know something's wrong with me. I found the counter in the dark and pulled myself up as slow as I could without hurting myself. I stood up; found my way out of the bathroom and to my room without making much more noise.

I fell down onto my bed and fell asleep within a matter of seconds.

* * *

I woke up the next morning to find my bed shaking and Carlos yelling extremely loud.

"Logan! Wake up! Get up get up get up!" he yelled.

"Go away Carlitos I want to sleep." I muttered rolling over.

"No you can't! It's your birthday you have to get up! Mrs. Knight made breakfast just for you!"

Birthday. In everything that happened that happened yesterday I had forgotten that today was my birthday. It just feels like a normal day, not the least bit special in anyway. I looked up at Carlos who was looking at me like a little puppy dog who wanted me to come play fetch with him, desperate and hopeful.

"Alright, I'll come out and eat. Just give me a minute." After last night, I didn't know if I'd even be able to get out of bed. I waited until Carlos left then swung me legs over the side of the bed and sat up. 'So far so good' I thought to myself.

I stood up slowly and was surprised when I felt no pain. I felt just fine, I wasn't even the least bit dizzy. I looked at myself in the mirror on my wall. I still had bags under my eyes and they were fairly bloodshot, but other than that I looked just fine.

I walked out of my room and to the kitchen. I was stopped when I heard everyone yelling.

"Happy birthday!" Everyone yelled. I mean everyone, the guys, Katie, Mrs. Knight, my mom, even Lucy. Then they moved away from the counter to show a cake sitting on the counter that said 'Happy birthday Logan.'

"You guys are the best." I said.

"Happy birthday baby." Mom said bringing me in for a hug. I wrapped my arms around her waist and breathed in the familiar scent. I pulled back and accepted a piece of cake being held out to me.

"So, the big eighteen, how's it feel?" James asked me.

"Just like seventeen, just a bit hairier." I said sarcastically. I thought Lucy and Katie were going to lose it they were laughing so hard. I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned to see Kendall standing behind me.

"When did you get home last night? I went to bed after midnight and you still weren't here."

"Sorry, I lost track of time." I told him taking a bite of cake. Before I could even fathom what was happening I knew something was wrong. Instead of swallowing the cake it came shooting out of my mouth along with some blood.

"Dude are you okay?" I heard someone yell.

I wanted to answer but instead I felt vomit come out of my mouth right before everything went black.

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**I'm sorry for the cliff hanger! But it had to be done! How about a nice review? Have a great day!**

**~B**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: I;m so sorry this took so long! But I got distracted with other things I have going on and I haven't had a whole lot of time to write! So if my updates are slower then that's why! But hey, better late then never right?**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own these boys. **

* * *

**"I heard the doctor  
But what did he say  
I knew I was fine about this time yesterday." - When a heart breaks by Ben rector**

***Kendall's POV**

I'm so scared right now.

When Logan walked out of his room this morning he looked just fine. He actually looked a lot better than he had the last couple days. He didn't look as tired as the bags under his eyes weren't as noticeable. But apparently he had us all fooled. After he tried to eat a piece of his birthday cake, he threw it back up instead of swallowing it. I took two steps back and yelled.

"Dude, are you okay?" By now all attention was on Logan. He started to open his mouth to say something else. But instead more vomit came out of his mouth and his eyes rolled to the back of his head as he dropped to the ground. I heard Lucy gasp and looked up at my mom and Mrs. Mitchell.

"Go call an ambulance." I looked over to Lucy. "Get Katie out of here, I don't want her to see this, please."

Within a matter of seconds, a confused Katie was being dragged out by Lucy, never failing to ask an endless amount of questions. I got down on my knees and tried to shake Logan awake.

"Wake up, wake up please." Nothing. "Come on Logan this isn't funny anymore." He started coughing and he sounded like he was choking.

"He's going to throw up again you need to roll him over." James said, not hesitating to kick Logan in the back. He rolled over and more vomit came spewing out, this time with a tint of red.

"Holy shit!" He yelled, off in the distance the sound of a screeching siren could be heard.

"James, go outside and wait for the ambulance to show up."

James turned to leave, but just as he got to the door it opened and the paramedics walked in. I wanted to tell them what happened but one of them pushed me back. I stood up and went over by Mrs. Mitchell. She had starting crying as soon as Logan passed out, now mom and Carlos are both trying to calm her down.

"I should've known." She whispered between tears. I felt my heart break just watching her. Something is seriously wrong with her only child and she can't do anything to help him. I don't ever want to know what that feels like.

"I'm going to go find Katie and Lucy." I said to no one in particular. I walked out the open front door. I looked to the end of the hallway to Katie and Lucy standing there. Lucy looked over to me, her eyes begging for help. As soon as Katie saw me she ran right towards me. She brought up her fists as if she was going to hit me but I stopped her.

"Kendall let me go." She growled. "I need to go in there."

"Katie, I can't let you go in there. We need to let the paramedics help Logan."

"I already know what's wrong with him, I need to go in there. I need to tell them."

"Wait, whoa whoa whoa! What did you just say?" I said looking right her. Katie couldn't possibly know what's wrong with Logan… could she? Before she could answer him, a loud voice came from our apartment.

"We got to this kid to a hospital, now." An older man said. I watched as my best friend was wheeled away on a stretcher by two other people. In a matter of minutes he went from looking perfectly healthy to looking like Casper the ghost.

"Stay here." I told Katie. I went up to the older man and tapped on his shoulder. "Do you know what's with him?"

He turned to look at me. "Seriously, you can't see it? He's obviously a victim of malnutrition. If this kid doesn't have some sort of an eating disorder, then I don't know what hell is wrong with him."

My jaw dropped to the floor at his last statement as I watched him walk away. _An eating disorder._ Logan could have an eating disorder. Of all the horrible problems in the world, that could be the answer. I turned back around to see Katie standing right behind me. The tears that were forming in her eyes proved that she had just heard everything he'd said.

"Is that what you going to tell them? That you think Logan has an eating disorder?"

She nodded and coughed out sob. I wrapped my arms around her small frame and rubbed her back.

_Logan could have an eating disorder… and you were too blind to notice. Did you miss me Blondie? _I heard an all too familiar voice say.

Saying I'm terrified is an understatement.

* * *

***Lucy's POV**

Two hours that's how long we've been here in this waiting room. We're all desperate to hear news on Logan. Katie hasn't stopped crying since they took Logan away. Mrs. Knight has tried everything to calm her down. Mrs. Mitchell left twenty minutes ago to go call Gustavo and she still isn't back. Carlos' leg won't stop bouncing and James has already gone through everything magazine this place has, twice. The worst part is Kendall won't talk to or look at anyone. It's starting to scare me. Normally he'd be the one to step and tell everything is going to be okay.

I've been standing the whole time. I'm too nervous to sit down. The only thing I've done is watch everyone become more and more worried.

"Lucy?" I hear someone say. "Are you okay?"

Instead of answering, I turned and left the room. I didn't stop walking; I had to get out of here. I was almost at the door when I felt someone or something grab a hold of my wrist. I tried to pull away but I wasn't strong enough.

"Let me go." I muttered. "I said let me go." I pulled as hard I could but whoever it was had a solid grip on me.

"No. What's wrong?" they asked. _James_. James had chased after me just to see if I was okay. I turned around and looked at him. He looked like a scared little boy.

"This is all my fault." I told him.

"No no no-." I cut him off before he could finish.

"Yes it is!" I yelled. "I should have known. I saw him every day! Every freaking day! H-he was my best friend. Now he's in a hospital because I was too stupid to notice what he was doing to himself. A-and it's all my f–fault." I brought my hand up to my mouth to try and stop myself from crying but it was no use. The tears wouldn't. I felt a pair of strong arms wrap around me and heard a quiet voice in my ear.

"Don't blame this on yourself. We're all to blame here. This is all of our faults." He cupped my face in his hands. "Okay?" I nodded and wrapped my arms around his waist and gave him squeeze.

"C'mon let's get back to the others." He said taking my hand and leading back to the waiting room. When we got there, Mrs. Mitchell was back and there was a doctor standing there with his back to us I could just barely hear what he was saying to everyone.

"It's plain and simple really. From the symptoms Logan has to his physical state and appearance, it's almost obvious that Logan has an eating disorder."

I started to cry again, but this time I didn't bother to try and stop it from coming.

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**If there's any mistakes, it's cause I'm in a rush! Please review!**

**~B **


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Hey guys! I'm sorry this is late! Don't worry! I have HUGE stuff planned for this story! So stayed tuned! I couldn't think of a song! Ugh!**

* * *

When I first came to it, I knew I was in a hospital. The smell of latex gloves and cleaner was too strong to have not been in one. Well, that, and it was about twenty degrees colder than it should've been. I opened my eyes and was blinded by the bright light. I tried sitting up but my stomach screamed in pain as a sign of refusal. I sat up as slowly as possible and looked around. I was completely alone, and I didn't like it. I heard a door open and in walked a tall man who didn't look a day over thirty.

"Your awake." he said to me before checking the chart and the end of the bed. "It's about time."

I looked at him strangely mostly because I didn't know who the hell he was.

He caught my signal and stuck out his hand. "Noah Stratton. I'll be your doctor while you're here." I shook his hand. "How do you feel?"

"My stomach hurts." I told him quietly.

"I'm not surprised. It's probably not used to the intake of food you've been given. We had to feed you through a tube while you were out."

Out? How long had I been asleep? The last thing I remember is throwing up at 2J before blacking out completely.

"What day is it?"

Dr. Stratton looked down at his watch. "10:34 am on September 16th."

That meant it was Monday. I was out cold for almost Two days. How is that possible? I'm not even sick.

"Visiting hours just started about an hour ago, so your mother should be here. I'll go track her down and then we can talk about some treatment plans for you. A nurse will be in about ten minutes to ask you some questions." he said as he started to walk away.

"Wait," I said. "Treatment for what?" I still didn't know why I had to come to the hospital. He hadn't told me yet."

He sighed and sat down in a chair across from my bed. He had a sad look on his face.

"Logan, do you know what it means to have an eating disorder?"

I nodded. I had always heard about people who had one, but I never met anyone personally. When he didn't say anything I got nervous.

"W-wait, d-do you think I have an eating disorder?" I asked him.

He nodded slowly. "I hate to be the bringer of bad news, but yes I think so. I'll go see if I can find your mom." he then stood and walked away.

An eating disorder? Me? Sure I'd been trying to lose weight but I- the vomiting. I made myself throw up. If I felt I ate too much I _made_ myself throw up. People do that when they have an eating disorder. Oh my God.

I heard the door open again and in walked my mom. She came right towards me and she immediately threw her arms around me. I buried my head in her shoulder and tried to fight back my tears.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry mom I'm so sorry." I choked out. I felt like a horrible person. I had not only hurt myself but most likely everyone on I love.

"Shh baby its okay. Everything is okay." She whispered.

I know my mom meant well. But we both knew that nothing was okay.

* * *

***Kendall's POV**

"C'mon Kendall you need to go see him." Carlos told me.

I'm in my room back at the palm woods. I haven't left my bed all day and I don't plan to. I can't help but feel guilty about Logan. They had diagnosed him with Anorexia & Bulimia. The two most common eating disorders. I didn't even notice what he was doing to himself. I can't bring myself to get out of bed and go see him.

_Aww look at the poor little pop star, all sad because he was so blind to his friend. This is your fault! You could've done something and you didn't!_

Plus that voice is back. It's even louder than it was before. It won't stop talking no matter how hard I try to make it go away. I can't just turn it off like last time.

"Everyone else has gone to see Logan… well except for Katie and Lucy but that's not the point. You're his best friend, and he needs you right now. Plus, you're starting to scare everyone. You haven't said anything since they took him away."

_You don't know what to do. So instead you cop out and shut down. Yeah that's productive. Are you trying to make everyone hate you? Oh wait, they already do!_

Carlos sighed. "We're all headed back soon, your mom wanted to come home and check on you. Do you need anything? Do you want something to eat?"

"I'm not hungry." I muttered.

"You sound like Logan." Carlos told me.

I looked up at him and watched him walk away. No more did he leave then in walked James.

_Looks like Carlos isn't the only one who "Feels bad for you" When are you going to realize that they don't care?_

"Hey. We're leaving in a minute. Are you sure you don't want to come? Logan was asking about you yesterday. He really needs you right. He needs all of us."

I shook my head.

_He doesn't need you. None of them do. It's all one big lie._

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine." I told him.

"Bullshit." He muttered looking down at his shoes.

"I'm sorry?"

He looked up at me with a look that was almost deadly. "I said bullshit. The only thing that you've done since we found out about Logan is stay home and feel sorry for yourself. Logan is one of your best friends and he needs you. You've hardly said a thing in the last two days. I feel like your shutting all of us out all over again. Even the other day after we got home you had that same fake smile plastered on your face. You look sad. Well guess what Kendall; you don't have reason to be sad. So give me one good reason, why you can't get your ass out of bed and go see Logan."

I looked at James, tears swimming in my eyes. "It's back."

* * *

**Again, I'm going to try to update as much as possible! OH! By the way! I'm thinking about starting a new story. I've already got the first couple chapters written and I'll probably post it around November! If you'd like to read it then let me know In a review!**

**~B**


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